Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

We — that is, all of humanity — basically live in the dark. We can see very little of what’s around us in the universe. Even in our own solar system there are who-knows-how-many rocks of various types and sizes whizzing around in what we think of as the emptiness of space. One astronomer said, regarding the asteroids, etc., that pass through the Earth’s orbit, that if we could flip on the lights in our solar system and see everything, it would be rather disconcerting.

But the physical universe isn’t the only dark in which we live.

We face the darkness every time we look into the future. Of course we make plans based on what probably will happen, but nobody knows for sure. Everyone has encountered the unknowableness of the future in ways both positive and negative.

We face the darkness when we look at the basic questions of our lives. Where did we come from? Is human life an accident or something more? Why are we here? Is there really a purpose to our lives? What happens when we die? Is that the end? Does all of what makes me me simply disintegrate into nothingness?

While there are many joys of Christmas — time with loved ones, the giving and receiving of gifts, decorating our homes, feasting on delicious food — the core joy of Christmas is that, out of love for His creation, the Creator of the universe has not left us in the dark.

The prophet Isaiah wrote the following about the Messiah several hundred years before Jesus was born:

The people who walked in darkness
      have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
      on them has light shone.
        Isaiah 9:2 (ESV)

God has shown his light on the impenetrable darkness of our lives. The message of Christmas is that the light of God is the light of love.

Christmas is the beginning of the end of the darkness. We cannot penetrate the darkness on our own, but on Christmas day we celebrate that Christ, the Savior — the light of the world — is born.

God has not left us to languish in the obscurity we face on a daily basis. He sent his Son into the world to rescue us from the land of deep darkness.

Where did we come from? God created us. We are not accidents. There may be accidental parents but there are no accidental children.

Why are we here? To live in love. God created us to live in harmony with Him and with one another. Even though that harmony has been shattered by sin, God has begun the process of restoration by sending his Son into the world. His reign begins in the hearts of those who trust and follow him. Jesus of Nazareth, whose birth we celebrate on Christmas day, is our:

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
        Isaiah 9:6b (ESV)

What happens when we die? I can’t tell you exactly, but I can tell you that it is going to be wonderful, amazing, fantastic, joyful beyond description. Those who have been given a glimpse of heaven struggle (and fail) to adequately describe it in human language (e.g. streets of gold, clear as glass).

Some who are reading this are feeling the darkness acutely right now. If that is you, remember that even in the worst moments, you are the object of God’s tenderest affection. It is precisely because of the brokenness in this world that God sent the Savior whose birth we celebrate.

The core celebration of Christmas is the celebration of God’s answering the most profound and disquieting questions of human existence with a resounding, “I love you!” God’s great love for us compelled him to action, shining the light of his love, forgiveness and new life on those who dwell in a land of deep darkness.

Amid all the wonderful things that the Christmas season brings to our lives, take some quiet time to contemplate the deepest gift of Christmas: light in a dark world. And be open to opportunities to share that light with others, letting God’s love compel you to action in loving others.

Oh, yeah! Merry Christmas, for sure!

Love,
John

Emotional Pain in My Left Big Toe

This week I nearly broke the big toe on my left foot and, in the process, was painfully reminded that pushing emotions inside you doesn’t make them go away. They are still there and may come out in unexpected ways. Here’s what happened:

I am the pastor of a church without a building. So we rent space from a local elementary school every Sunday. We rent the cafeteria for our worship service and the media center for our Sunday school and childcare

When I arrived on a recent Sunday morning, a group of people already was meeting in the media center which we had reserved and paid for. The maintenance worker, Bill (not his real name), approached me as I was looking in the media center wondering what was going on. Bill asked me if I would mind using other rooms this morning for our childcare and Sunday school. I was not inclined to since we had paid for and reserved the media center. The media center is the location our regular attenders expect and it is the most visible place for childcare, which is important for visitors.

Bill explained to me that this group had been meeting all weekend for some sort of continuing education. They had somehow come to believe that they had reserved this space and had a right to be there. The previous evening when one of Bill’s coworkers had asked them to move, a conversation had ensued that involved a considerable increase in volume and intensity but, in the end, did not result in the group's moving. I think you get the picture.

You need to know that I used to be the sort of person who could be intimidated into backing down in a situation like this. Having worked on that weakness over the years, I am not so any more. But at this point, friendship and expediency came into play. It was Sunday morning and our worship service started in less than 90 minutes, so I didn’t have time for a 20-minute conversation to work slowly through whatever was going on. Also, Bill asked me if, because there had already been a big “thing” the night before, I would mind just using a couple of other rooms this morning. Bill is a friend who is flexible with and supportive of our ministry.

So, between the timing involved and Bill’s request, I let it go and moved on. Or so I thought.

Because I snore, I often end up sleeping in a Murphy bed in my office. Such was the case Sunday night. The bed is very low to the ground and there is only a few inches of clearance between the bed and a very sturdy blanket chest to one side of it.

I had a dream early Monday morning that was more than likely my brain continuing to process Sunday morning’s incident — and very nearly resulted in a broken toe.

I was skiing on very short German skis. (Remember, dreams are weird, right?) One of the ski resort employees was on at the bottom of the slope next to me and told me I could not ski on those skis. It seemed quite clear to me that he was really just trying to get me out of their resort. But instead of giving in, I began to argue with him. “There are people on French skis. There are people on snowboards. Why is it just my skis that aren’t allowed on the slopes?” He was not backing down and expected me to do what he said simply because he was the authority. I was not interested in backing down simply because he was the authority so, in the middle of the lodge (we were now inside) packed with people, I yelled, “Who thinks I should be allowed to ski here on my German skis?” Every person raised their hand. That’s when the ski resort employee got so mad he tried to attack me physically.

I’m no fighter, but I have studied a bit of martial arts. When he tried to hit me, I defended myself by kicking him with my left foot. A slight side kick, knee up first then snap the lower leg. Perfectly executed, it did the job.

I don’t know if you have experienced this phenomenon, but sometimes there is a direct correspondence between dream actions and real actions. Many people have had dreams of falling only to wake up and realize they have rolled out of their beds.

In my case, evidently I was sleeping on my side because as I kicked my attacker in my dream, I kicked the blanket chest in real life… hard. I woke up instantly with excruciating pain in the big toe on my left foot. I am now writing on the fourth day from this episode and it still hurts. I feel quite fortunate that I didn’t break my toe.

The moral of the story is simply this: your feelings don’t go away just because you stuff them inside.

Certainly there are times when expediency may trump resolution in the short term. I would make the same decision if I could go back and do it again. And you don’t need to bring up everything with everybody. Often we can just overlook minor offenses. The Bible tells us that is a wonderful thing to do. (Proverbs 11:19)

But if you keep thinking about some incident or relationship, then you need to seek resolution in some way (and that’s a whole subject on its own) rather than just stuffing your feelings inside because, let me tell you, the feelings you have shoved down can surface later in painful ways!

Marriage and the Art of Water Heater Maintenance

I was sitting down this morning to figure out what to feed the blog-monster this week. It was like pulling teeth. I had even descended to the point where I was thinking about pulling out something old and just posting it.

Then my neighbor Peter (not his real name) knocked on the door.

Peter wanted me to help him drain and clean his water heater. Florida water is very hard and carries sediment, so it’s a good idea to drain your water heater every six months or so to clean out the sediment. Peter had seen me draining my water heater a few weeks ago. He asked me what I was doing and I explained it to him, offering to walk him through the process if he ever wanted some help.

Normally, this is an easy 20-minute deal.  Turn the power off. Turn the water supply off. Open the pressure release valve. Drain the tank using the spigot near the base of the water heater. Turn the water supply on and let the tank flush for a few minutes. Close everything up and refill the water heater, bleeding the air out of the tank by way of the pressure release valve.

As I mentioned, normally it’s pretty easy. So I said, “Let’s just do it now,” and walked over to his house.

My wife and I are friends with the couple that lived in the house before Peter. They hadn’t drained their water heater in the six years they lived there. Peter moved in with his wife three years ago and this is the first time he’d done it. So the water heater was neglected for nine years.

The procedure started off in the standard way. As we drained the water heater we saw quite a bit of sand and small calcium pebbles rolling out of the end of the hose. Then the flow stopped. It was totally blocked by silt, sand and calcium fragments. After two-and-a-half hours of digging in the drain with a wire, getting squirted several times as the pressure burst through each new dam, and seeing calcium chunks the size of human teeth coming out of his water heater, we finally got it to flow free and clear.

In the throes of our adventure, I had this thought: marriages are a little bit like water heaters. (For real. I’m not making this up. I even talked to Peter about it.)

Peter’s water heater was functioning fine from the standpoint of his family’s having hot water. There really wasn’t any easily discernable indication that necessary maintenance was being neglected and trouble was piling up unseen. But it was.

Marriages are like that. Two people are attracted to each other and get married. The initial marriage attraction can carry you forward for quite a while. The marriage can endure busy lives and some neglect. But the trouble builds up unseen in the quiet places inside each person.

When I do my six-month flush on my water heater, it is easy. I know what to expect. I know about how long it will take.

Marriages that have been tended experience the same relative ease when things get difficult… when the marriage needs a little “flush” so to speak. Both parties know they’ve hit a little bump to work through and it will be fine in a while and likely even better than it was before the bump was discovered.

In marriages with no maintenance — marriages where the husband and wife just let the crud build up inside rather than talking through it — when the time finally comes for some work, it is a major ordeal.

Let me tell you, there was more than once when I wanted to tell Peter that his water heater was a lost cause. Just close up the valve, use it ‘till it croaks, then buy a new one. Every time Peter and I thought we had the water heater cleared out, the drain clogged again with more silt or an even bigger chunk of calcium. “Will this ever end?” and “Is this really worth it?” crossed my mind more than once.

Neglected marriages can be like that. If your marriage has been neglected, it can be a daunting task to think about even getting things cleaned up so both of you are peaceful and happy in your marriage. Overwhelming, really, because by the time you realize that you have neglected your marriage, you often cannot conceive of things being happy and peaceful again. You either think, “This is just the way my life is going to be,” or, “Just let it die.”

But Peter and I persevered. Every time the drain got blocked, we took off the hose (and sometimes took the valve apart), cleared it, and started to flush again until we hit another block. Eventually the process was done and his water heater was clean.

Marriages absolutely can be fixed if both people want the marriage to work. Sometimes even if only one person wants the marriage to work as the cleaning starts. If your marriage has been long-neglected and you are sharing a house instead of a life, the sooner you start the process of digging out the crud, the less crud you will find. And the sooner you will have done all the major cleanup. The key is to start on the road of a healthy marriage and then just keep on keepin’ on. One day you may look back and say, “Holy cow, I’m actually happy in this marriage!”

If you think your marriage is doing fine, don’t neglect the periodic maintenance. You must talk. My wife and I have coffee together every morning. It’s only three to five minutes, and sometimes we talk while our 4-year-old is using one of us as a jungle gym, but even that daily maintenance time makes a huge difference. We have a short devotion. We talk about whatever is going on with each of us. We usually laugh about something. And we pray together. We rarely have to have “big” conversations because we have so many little conversations. And when it’s time for a “big” conversation, we are already in the habit of talking about “stuff” so the “big” conversations come easier.

Go out together. Talk about your own lives, not just your kids. You might even consider adding an annual appointment with a marriage counselor or a marriage retreat as part of your maintenance plan.

Verily, verily, I say unto thee: If you are married, the work will come whether you like it or not. You are two broken people trying to make a life together. Your choice is whether it’s going to be regular light maintenance, a major overhaul, or simply picking up the broken pieces.

As a pastor, I feel compelled to end this article with a reminder of God’s grace. Things crash. We make stupid decisions. We react out of fear. We are not in control of all the factors affecting our marriage, least of all our spouses. We are saved by grace through faith, not by works so that no one can boast.

When a woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus to be stoned according to the law, he lifted her up and said, “Neither do I condemn you. Now go and sin no more.” If you are reading this and realizing that things need to change, know that you have God’s forgiveness and love. Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, He is not counting your sins against you. While you often cannot avoid the earthly consequences of decisions you regret, you need to know that even in those times God looks on you as a loving father looks on his dear children, desiring the very best for you in every moment.

Have you seen the scene?

I ended up in quite a heated argument with my brother-in-law the other day. There is a great point at the end that has nothing to do with Lord of the Rings, so even if you aren’t a fan, wade through. It should be worth your time. Here’s what happened:

 

I am a great fan of the Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien — both the books and the movies. One difference between the books and the movies, I think, creeps in from the worldview of the screenwriters for the movies. I don’t think screenwriters Peter Jackson, Philippa Boyens and Fran Walsh  believe in nobility of character (or, at least, they don’t believe it plays well on screen).

 

Without getting taken up in an analysis of the entire movie, several characters who display what I would call a “noble character,” (they recognize their own limitations, sacrifice for greater good, won’t hurt people who aren’t an immediate threat to them, etc. Treebeard, Faramir and Aragorn, to name three for LOTR fans) are lowered so that their character is less noble.

 

My brother-in-law and I were arguing about this. He saw my point, but when I brought up the following scene, he said it wasn’t in the movie. I knew it was because it is so un-Aragorn that it sticks out like a sore thumb: Among the less-than-noble actions of the noble-in-the-book characters is a moment when after speaking for a few moments with an unarmed emissary from the dark lord, Sauron, Aragorn rides to the side of the emissary and lops off his head!

 

My brother-in-law said it never happened. I said it did. He said it didn’t. You get the picture.

 

There was only one solution: pull out the movie and check the scene. We did. He saw it. And he swore that he’d never seen it before. He’s got a great memory, so I believed him.

 

Then it dawned on us. We were watching the extended director’s cut and he had previously only seen the theatrical release. We were, in fact, both right!

 

Not all, but many of our disagreements can be resolved to the satisfaction of all parties involved if we are willing to take the time to be honest with others and respect their right to have a different viewpoint from ours.

 

We discovered how we were both right because we are each both honest about the truth as we saw it and also respected the other’s viewpoint. Instead of arguing or getting mad, we respectfully disagreed and continued to push the point until — lo and behold! — we found the source of the disagreement.

 

When you find yourself in a disagreement with someone, don’t just get in an argument with an eye toward winning, quickly swallow your opinion, or agree to disagree. Gently, lovingly push on the disagreement for a while. Why do you think that? How did you come to that conclusion? I really see things very differently from the way you do. I don’t think it happened that way at all. Ask the other person questions about how they came to their views rather than bringing up their parentage or questioning their standardized test scores. Speak for yourself about yourself.

 

The Bible gives us great wisdom for times of disagreement: “Speaking the truth in love we will grow up…” (Ephesians 4:15) No one has a corner on truth — it’s always to some degree “as we see it.” On the other hand, love is clearly defined in 1 Corinthians 13: “Love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous or boastful or rude or self-seeking…”

 

You may end up disagreeing still. But, speaking the truth in love, you might learn something. Speaking the truth in love, you both might come to a different opinion than the one with which you started. And, speaking the truth in love, you are much more likely to keep the relationship whole. And, who knows? You might both be right!

Avoid Spilling Metaphorical Coffee

It was a hectic morning trying to get our three kids off to school. I was carrying a cup of coffee as I walked into my office to get I-don't-even-remember-what. A slightly bulging box rested on top of the blanket chest that sits under some bookshelves. It was from these bookshelves that I needed to get something (not a book) that had to do with the morning. 

Being in too much of a hurry to walk across the room to set the coffee safely on my desk, I put my cup on the slightly bulging box. Can you guess what happened next? The box rocked a bit.

When I looked down and saw the box rocking gently, I reacted quickly. I reached down and grabbed the cup. In the process of grabbing the cup, I spilled the coffee.

I could — and probably should — draw the lesson from this event that I should just slow down enough to put the coffee in a safer place. But that's not what sticks in my mind.

What I remember is that the coffee cup, though teetering a bit, was still safely on the box when I grabbed it. When I reacted quickly, grabbing for the coffee mug, I spilled it. Looking back on the situation, the coffee probably wouldn't have spilled at all. I just got nervous. In my fear of spilling the coffee, I became anxious and reacted rapidly, causing the very thing of which I had been afraid.

Strange as it may seem, this caused me to think about relationships. How often have I, through rapid, anxious reaction, "spilled the coffee" in a relationship when a thoughtful and reflective pause would have brought about a better result? How often have I felt angry or hurt and, by reacting quickly and instinctually, "spilled the coffee"? How many times have I made things worse by my own reaction, perhaps even causing quarrels where none would have started?

There are all sorts of ways we "spill the coffee" in relationships. A quick retort. A hurtful word. A glaring silence. Stomping from the room. Dredging up old offenses and hurling them in the face of the one who is hurting us. Playing "eye-for-an-eye."

The lesson here is that if you are talking to someone and feel yourself getting anxious, uptight, nervous, angry, scared — whatever you call it, you know what I'm talking about — those feelings may be reasonable. But it's worth a pause, a moment of reflection, a deep breath before you react. It's true the coffee may be spilling anyway. Whoever you are talking to might even be spilling the coffee on purpose. But just a moment of consideration before you respond may make a great deal of difference in how your conversation and your relationship proceed from there.

Pause. Think about how you are going to respond. Remember that the other person is an object of God's love as much as you are. Remember that the other person is a person. A person with feelings. A person with a back story. Even if the hurt is intentional, why that person hurting you? You might be reaping a harvest someone else has sown. This may be a chance for you to bring love and peace into the other person's life. Might a healthy does of grace do more for the other person and be the best thing for yourself, too?

A moment of reflection before you speak won't fix everything. That's for sure! But it can be very helpful. I can tell you from experience (as, I'm sure, you can tell me, too), that it's much easier in the long run to avoid spilling rather than to clean up, whether you're talking about relationships or coffee.

Wrestling with God

A few weeks (maybe months) ago I taught a lesson on prayer during our Sunday service. Using major biblical characters as examples, I encouraged people to approach God in prayer honestly and boldly.

Abraham bargained with the angels about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Jacob wrestled with the Angel of the Lord. ("Let me go!" said the angel. "Not until you bless me!" said Jacob.) Moses tried to weasel out of God's call on his life. Later on, when God was going to destroy the Israelites and start a new people for himself, Moses pointed out that the Egyptians would say that the Israelite's god brought them out into the wilderness to kill them. "God relented.

I cannot fathom the mysteries of the ways of God. After all, even God's "foolishness" is wiser than our wisdom. I don't know in each instance why prayers are answered or not (at least in a discernible way). But I can clearly see the example set by people historically lifted up as "heroes of the faith." This is why I encourage people to pray honestly and opening. Make your case. Wrestle with God.

People who want to be good Christians can fall into the "thy will be done" trap. There's nothing wrong with the phrase, of course. It's straight from the Lord's Prayer. But sometimes saying, "your will be done" at the end of a prayer is really another way of saying, "Whatever. You're not going to do it anyway." Or sometimes people jump straight to "your will be done" because they lack real trust in God's loving listening.

After experimenting for a semester with schooling at home, Kelly and I wanted to send Anya to a small Christian middle school near our home but couldn't swing the tuition in cash. So Kelly, a stay-at-home mom, offered to work at the school to cover the tuition costs. She and the principal agreed that she could do reading pull-outs for students who were falling behind. When she arrived for the first day of work, the principal asked her if she could do math pull-outs that day instead reading pull-outs. Kelly ended up doing math pull-outs all year long! Not a single reading pull-out. (Kelly has many strengths, but math is not one of them. Kelly has many joys, but math is not one of them.) She persevered for the love of our daughter. As summer came to a close, anxiety began to grow in Kelly's spirit as she faced the prospect of another year doing math pull-outs. After hearing my sermon, she began wrestling with God over this situation. She was willing to do it for Anya's sake, but would really rather not if there was another way.

This is the pattern Jesus sets for us in his prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane (I am not comparing the situations — only the pattern!) Be honest and pour your true desires out to the Father. Then trust him with the result.

If you have not found peace through prayer, it may be that you are not really being honest with God. God tells us that he is like a father — but better than any imperfect earthly father could be. Can you imagine your disappointment as a parent if every time your children came to talk to you they tried to say what they thought you wanted to hear instead of sharing what's really in their hearts and minds? Tell God what's really going on with you — what you really want, if that's what's going on — and then trust him with the result.

Honesty and openness are an integral part of finding peace in prayer. So, be honest.

Oh, and here's what happened to Kelly this week. She was going to start the math pull-outs last week, but that didn't work out for a variety of reasons. She went in this week to begin math pull-outs. The principal pulled her aside and asked if she would mind doing reading! Mind!?! Oh, yeah! Thanks, God! We don't always understand what you are doing, but we sure are grateful for this one!

Well, that week got away from me!

I spend this last week writing, but it wasn't a blog entry. I was applying for a grant to fund a 12-week sabbatical next year. Since we have been encouraged by the scriptures to be bold in our prayers to God, I would ask my friends who are of the praying type to pray that I am receive the sabbatical funding grant. The money will fund some travel with my family along with a variety of other expenses that go with putting aside my pastoral ministry for 12 weeks (including guest preachers).

Here's the short summary of my sabbatical proposal from my grant application, in case you are interested:
_______________________________________________________________
I have found many loves on this journey of life. I love my Savior. I love my family. I love my church. I love preaching and teaching. I love writing and other creative projects. I love hiking in the wilderness and exploring new environments, both urban and rural. I love fantasy stories, from children’s literature such as “The Chronicles of Narnia” to high fantasy epic journeys like “The Lord of the Rings.”

I propose a sabbatical of renewal in life and ministry that encompasses my many loves through relational connection, challenging journeys, and the chance to be creatively energized.

Fantasy fiction often resonates with my soul. The struggles, triumphs and failures of a well-written character mirror those of real life. The applicability of fantasy fiction to Gospel teaching has been part of my ministry for a long time. Fantasy stories from “Toy Story” to “The Hobbit” offer fertile ground for contemplating and illustrating our spiritual journey as Christians.

My sabbatical journey will include a variety of actual journeys — a road trip with my family, a solo hike on the Appalachian Trail, walking through various city and country environments — and the journey of writing fantasy fiction that wrestles with biblical teachings.